Can a Black Feminist be Sexually Submissive to a White Man?

On giving up control while maintaining my power.

Illustrations by Virginia Zamora | Edited by Lilly Dancyger

I’d associated being naked with being vulnerable, with being open to exploitation and judgement. So when he asked me to stand before him naked, I had a flicker of doubt and fear. But I did it anyway because this was an experience that I’d chosen.

This was my first time with my dominant. My Sir. The white man who controlled my Black body and its pleasure.

On our first date, I’d asked Jay about writing “kinky” on his dating profile. He talked about his experience with dominance and submission, telling me that he was a “switch” – someone who could and would serve as both dominant and submissive. I had toyed with the idea of submission for a few years; I imagined a time in which I could quiet my overactive brain and give power to someone else instead of trying to wrest it away from “the man” in my professional life. Jay told me that he could be my dominant and, even though we’d just met, I already felt drawn to him and his energy.

Ha…