Dodging Tomatoes with the Renaissance Faire’s Juiciest Comic
How a hot-lipped man named Cracker earns an honest living, and raises a son, one carefully crafted wisecrack and flying fruit to the face at a time.
Photos by Jordan G. Teicher
A man with shiny, slicked-back hair slaps a five-dollar bill on the counter, picks up one of his newly purchased projectiles, winds up and fires. The first tomato comes hard and fast, flying towards the wooden wall about a dozen feet away, where painted letters spell the name of the game: “Rotten Revenge.”
Splat. A miss.
“Sir, did you know you have enough mousse on your head to sink a sea turtle?” yells “Cracker,” the fruit-thrower’s target. “When you shower, dolphins die.”
Cracker, aka Michael Higgins, 36, braces for the next one. His arms and do-ragged head are his only visible body parts, sticking through the three cut-outs, which resemble Renaissance-era stocks once used to punish criminals.
Splat. Another miss.
“Nature hates you.”
A third tossed tomato comes closer and faster this time. There’s anger behind this one.
“Sir, you’re obviously a guy who enjoys drinking alone,” Cracker says pleasantly.
“Is this harder than downloading dates?” Cracker ask…
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