Am I Falling in Love or Having a Manic Episode?

I’m bipolar, and when I started to feel that familiar mix of attraction, infatuation and intensity, I had to stop and ask, ‘is this real?’

Illustrations by Allyson Leigh Peck

As Barys and I stood chatting on the sidewalk outside my rental apartment in Minsk, I willed myself not to touch his plaid shirt, sure it was as soft as it looked. His warm brown eyes met mine, and I lost track of the conversation. I had just arrived in Belarus for work, and I’d met Barys only a few minutes ago, when he’d introduced himself as the translator for the manager of my accommodations. I already felt his pull on me — a pull stronger than really made sense.

“Do you want to go on a walk? I can show you the city.” I realized Barys was still talking to me, and I refocused my gaze on his lips.

“Sure,” I said.

Over the next three days, we found ourselves on Ferris wheels, pedal boats, and picnic blankets in the park. Barys showed me his favorite places in Minsk, had me try his favorite foods, and I adopted them as my favorites too, with unquestioning adoration. It wasn’t long before I realized I was falling in love. He asked me questions with a hyperfocused interest I found mesmerizing. He acted protectively, blocking a drunk man we came across on the street, but not possessively, always respecting my time and boundaries. Plus, he was unfailingly honest — so when he turned to me and said, staring me straight in the eyes, “you know, you’re a really special person,” I believed him.