I Wanted to Be His Prized Possession

After a strict religious upbringing, escaping into the world of BDSM felt like my version of finding god. Then it got to be way too much.

Illustrations by Margherita Barrera

“I can take a hit.”

That was the subject title of the Craigslist ad I posted at the age of seventeen. In the ad I explained that my pain tolerance was high, and offered to let people hit me with anything, so long as it was on my ass and not anywhere else. I often wonder how I came to the conclusion that this would be a good idea. Maybe it was loneliness that drove me to it, or my burgeoning appetite for pornography. Whatever it was, I received almost a hundred responses in the first hour.

I deleted most of the responses – the one liners, the vulgar tongues, and the people who couldn’t spell. I even received a response warning me, telling me that this was a dangerous ad to post, that I should delete it and get counseling. I didn’t mention my age but I guess something in the ad indicated that I was young.

I corresponded with Benji, who seemed experienced and smart. I don’t remember much about his first emails to me. When we met, he was in a button-down sh…