Lets Be Honest: Dogs Are Really Just Indoor Wolves

Surrounded by artwork worth millions, and carpentry tools, I met my greatest fear.

Illustration by Sophie Goldstein

My general conclusion is that humanity’s earliest mistake was to invite feral wolves into our homes and think that they would bow to our whims. I see dogs as wild animals, still not to be trusted. I was attacked and harassed by dogs beginning as a toddler and have been jumpy around them ever since. I still switch sides with my friends while walking, to put their bodies between my own body and a potential dog attack. To me, dogs are primarily a threat. Take a look at their jaws and tell me we haven’t invited killers to share our civilization. I’m not calling dog lovers idiots, I’m just saying they’re a little delusional.

The city is the last place I expect to meet dangerous beasts, but I have run into some truly terrifying dogs in New York. I work as a carpenter for a high-end interiors company. One of our best clients is a kind, middle-aged multi-millionaire, an Upper West Side mom who regularly hires us for small jobs around her apartment. “Small jobs” …