How Pluto Helped Me Accept My Trans Partner's New Name
Or, how I learned to stop worrying and love calling my husband by his masculine moniker…with a little help from everyone's favorite dwarf planet.
When we first set out in March to launch the True Romance Writing Prize with actor Emma Roberts, Karah Preiss and their book club Belletrist, we were all so excited for what this collaboration might bring. To say our hopes were exceeded would be an understatement. It’s been an honor to work on this contest together, and to read and publish such amazing winning essays, from one about a young woman who was ghosted by a monk, to another about meeting someone on a plane whom you’ll never see again. Our last story comes from Lisa Grossman, who had this to say about writing it: “When people find out that I have a background in astronomy, one of the most frequent questions I get is ‘What’s your take on the whole Pluto thing?’ This is my answer.” You can check out the whole True Romance collection here. And…if *you* have an essay you’d like to submit to a writing contest, you’re in luck. Our 2025 Narratively Memoir Prize opened this morning! Head here to learn more about it and submit.
These days, I only ever call my partner by his new name and pronouns, even when speaking about him in the past. We went from looking like a butch-femme lesbian couple to an ordinary straight family: a mom, a dad, two kids. Few people can tell how much time, effort and self-discovery it took to transform us into that classic family portrait. It feels affirming to call him my husband. We really earned that word.
A year and a half before we met, a group of astronomers gathered in Prague to fundamentally transform the solar system. In August 2006, the International Astronomical Union voted to shift Pluto’s identity from a planet to a dwarf planet, a move that has been hotly debated by scientists and space fans ever since.
As a college junior studying astronomy and an aspiring science writer, I was paying close attention to the Pluto debate. I was not paying close attention to my future spouse. Neither of us specifically remembers meeting, although we’ve narrowed down when and where it must have been. But years later, I thought of the furor Pluto caused with a simple categorical change when my partner decided to change his name.
When we started dating, I relished calling him my girlfriend. I realized I was bisexual when I was 15, but my sexuality was hard to detect unless viewed through the right lens. My most serious relationship was with someone who turned out to be a trans woman. She didn’t come out publicly until after we broke up. We both knew we were queer, but no one could tell to look at us. I struggled with what to call myself when I was with her. Was I gay? But I couldn’t be gay, because I loved this boy. But if she wasn’t really a boy, did that mean I was gay? But secretly, since no one knew she wasn’t a boy? What if I also liked the parts of her that seemed boyish to me? Did that mean I couldn’t be gay? And so it went, round and round.