The Many Masturbating Motorists of My Life

After witnessing eleven different men pleasuring themselves in public, I began to think maybe I was at fault. A closer look at the psychology of exhibitionism, and a cathartic car-side confrontation, helped me look away.

Illustration by Leslie Agan

"Some of you sitting there with your cock in your hand Don’t get you nowhere, don’t make you a man..."

- John Lennon, “I Found Out”

I’m at a red light in Los Angeles on Melrose and Gower. A Honda Civic pulls up beside me and I unwillingly cringe. The rest is ritual: The light changes and I casually let my vehicle lag a bit behind. Then, I gingerly crane my neck to cop a semi-aerial shot. Cool, the driver’s left hand is steering. But what I desperately wanted to know is which stick he’s clutching onto with his right.

For years I was paranoid I’d catch a driver jerking off, his hopes of running into some slow-moving road prey answered by the unlucky likes of me. I mean, it has happened eleven times over the course of my life. Yes, I’ve caught that many men whacking off behind the wheel in several cities across North America, including Montreal, Vancouver, Toronto and L.A.

Because so many male masturbating motorists have stroked their way into my life, I used to in…