The Terrible, No-Good, Very Bad Bike

Craigslist chronicles of selling my terrible, no good, very bad bike.

Illustration by Leah Lin

At the tail end of this past winter, I went to a concert that I was anxious to see and like and tell my friends that I had seen and liked. As is often the case in Brooklyn, the show was supported by a dizzying latticework of sponsors: Brands, publications, concepts, and individual practitioners thereof. “VICE AND ABSOLUT BRING YOU DIY DAYS FEATURING THE BEST CRAFTERS AND SMALL-BATCH CANDY PRODUCERS IN NORTH BROOKLYN,” that sort of thing.

As it turned out, the event was celebrating bike culture, and in kind of a weird way: not advocating for bike lanes, encouraging driver awareness, or watching “Premium Rush,” but by giving away bikes for free. In total, four custom hand-built bicycles made locally in Brooklyn (of course) were being raffled off. During the show (which was good!) they were propped up on tables in the far corner of the room. Due to the crowd, I could only see the first: a whisper-thin, midnight-black road bike. I was in love.

In blatant disregard fo…