Twenty Years After a Brain Injury, I'm Finally Getting on with My Life. And I'm Terrified.

My long recovery from a freak accident held me back, but it also gave me an ironclad excuse for everything wrong with my life.

Illustrations by Grace Heejung Kim

I slip into my favorite red undies, then wriggle into a skirt and lightweight sweater. A slide of shiny luminizer eye shadow to brighten my eyes, a few strokes of mascara, a dollop of blush and some lip balm. I take a few deep breaths and study myself in the mirror. I’m ready.

Or am I?

It’s been nearly ten years since I’ve been on a date. Nearly ten years since my body utterly gave out on me as a result of an improperly healed head injury that happened when a tabletop mounted on the wall of a furniture showroom fell on my head. Crushing head pain, vertigo, life-sucking insomnia, memory loss, racing heart, disorientation, plus isolation and profound loneliness – for a great wash of time this had been my life.

Though years of treatment have helped, on damp days (approximately 342 a year in Michigan) I still feel like I’m trying to rise from the bottom of the deep end of the swimming pool, pushing up against the heavy water that gravity is forcing down. And…