I Wrote Erotica Before I Ever Had Sex

My detailed fantasy life began with explicit X-Files fan fiction in junior high. It took a long time for real-life sex to catch up.

Illustrations by Kelsey Wroten | Edited by Lilly Dancyger

I stumbled upon erotica at 13, through an innocent Internet search. It was the ’90s, when going online meant everyone in the house had to get off the phone so you could use the line to dial-up. I was reading fan fiction of my favorite show, “the X-Files online,” when suddenly the sci-fi story took an unexpected turn: “Mulder moaned as he licked between Scully’s thighs.”

In the “computer room” of my childhood home – an empty bedroom where my family stored Christmas wrapping paper and winter coats – I was suddenly paranoid that my mom would walk in on me and force me into a deep-feelings conversation about sex. I was still recovering from the time she trapped me in a long car ride and asked if I understood what menstruation and intercourse were. Part of me knew it would probably be a good idea to just shut down my computer and go back to my homework. But I was a hormonal teenager with a David Duchovny crush, so I decided it was wor…