In the last years of her life, a sudden revelation upended my entire image of my mom. It took a decade after her death—and another major life change—for me to see that both versions of her were real.
Lost my mom one month ago. This resonated not for the alcohol, I don’t think, but the hopeful secrets I may discover in time. Your mom sounds iconic like my mom-6 ft redhead who was noticed zipping around town, & who made everyone felt seen. I’m catholic. I just listened to examples of the Kadish online. I’m glad you got to sing it for her and at Leo’s important day. What a beautiful tradition to “stand if you’re mourning”. A special group that we all ultimately belong to. Thank you for sharing this tender tale.
I love that my essay interested you enough to actually listen to the kaddish! Believe me, I did not sound like that version! It means so much to me that you found meaning in my essay. It sure was a tough one to write.
That was beautiful, thank you for sharing such an intimate story with us and helping us all to heal in our own different ways. Much love to you and your family and especially your beautiful Mother's memory.
Thanks for sharing. I’m sure it’ll help when my mother dies. Though she is not an alcoholic, she is in the depths of dementia. Still talking, trying to be nasty, with less and less vocabulary.
Oh, Deb. I'm so sorry this is happening to you and your family. It's absolutely heartbreaking to watch a parent slip away. My heart goes out to you. I can't imagine anything worse. Thank you so much for reading my essay. I do hope it helps a tiny bit. I'm sending you a hug right now.
What a gorgeous, gutting piece of writing this is. I deeply admire how the author has taken the messiest, most complicated kind of grief and turned it into something that shimmers with truth.
The author lets her mother be many complex things at once. The woman who worked the synagogue aisle like a runway, who hid vodka in her winter boots, who told her "Kill 'em with kindness and then crush him with the heels of your stilettos."
Complex women deserve complex portraits.
And that detail about the lipstick ring around the vodka bottle neck in Revlon's Love That Red? That's the kind of noticing that made me as a reader stop breathing for a second.
This piece must've taken real courage as a writer *and* as a daughter. How brave to try to make a wonderful, complex soul whole again, even if it's just for the length of a prayer.
Sean, you are making my heart swell. Thank you saying all of this. It was a wrenching piece to write for sure. Reading comments like yours makes it worth all the grueling hours spent. I'm lucky to have you in my corner!
I felt the anguish and the heartache with you, Cathy. What an extraordinary story. I was riveted from the first word to the last. I saw it all play out. I'm so sorry about your mother. 💔
Thank you for saying this, Marcia! This is the first time I've written about my mother at such length. It was scary and heartbreaking but I'm glad I did it. Readers like you make it all worthwhile. I'm glad I took the chance.
I cried reading this published version! beauty and magic of its words took me back to so many places...my own childhood, spiritual events, adult promises, hidden secrets and recent writing classes.☺️. Thank you for the beautiful trip into your experience and for sharing your words with the world.
I love that it must be retired in a community! I'm not Jewish, so I know what it is but not much more. That way everyone is supported by others, how beautiful. In a philosophy class I read a book by an orthodox rabbi, about the Sabbath. One point that stayed with me was you were not allowed to despair on that day, because God is with you always. Beautiful essay, thanks for sharing. I am losing my mother as well, and I grieve the loss as she is still alive.
Lost my mom one month ago. This resonated not for the alcohol, I don’t think, but the hopeful secrets I may discover in time. Your mom sounds iconic like my mom-6 ft redhead who was noticed zipping around town, & who made everyone felt seen. I’m catholic. I just listened to examples of the Kadish online. I’m glad you got to sing it for her and at Leo’s important day. What a beautiful tradition to “stand if you’re mourning”. A special group that we all ultimately belong to. Thank you for sharing this tender tale.
I love that my essay interested you enough to actually listen to the kaddish! Believe me, I did not sound like that version! It means so much to me that you found meaning in my essay. It sure was a tough one to write.
That was beautiful, thank you for sharing such an intimate story with us and helping us all to heal in our own different ways. Much love to you and your family and especially your beautiful Mother's memory.
That means so much to me, Jay. Thank you for reading my essay and being so kind. It's scary to write something so intimate!
Such a beautiful and moving piece. Thank you for sharing it.
Shemei rabah.
Thanks for sharing. I’m sure it’ll help when my mother dies. Though she is not an alcoholic, she is in the depths of dementia. Still talking, trying to be nasty, with less and less vocabulary.
Oh, Deb. I'm so sorry this is happening to you and your family. It's absolutely heartbreaking to watch a parent slip away. My heart goes out to you. I can't imagine anything worse. Thank you so much for reading my essay. I do hope it helps a tiny bit. I'm sending you a hug right now.
I come from a family of alcoholics.
Thank you for this.
It can be so difficult to navigate, Deborah. I hope you found a bit of comfort in reading my essay.
What a gorgeous, gutting piece of writing this is. I deeply admire how the author has taken the messiest, most complicated kind of grief and turned it into something that shimmers with truth.
The author lets her mother be many complex things at once. The woman who worked the synagogue aisle like a runway, who hid vodka in her winter boots, who told her "Kill 'em with kindness and then crush him with the heels of your stilettos."
Complex women deserve complex portraits.
And that detail about the lipstick ring around the vodka bottle neck in Revlon's Love That Red? That's the kind of noticing that made me as a reader stop breathing for a second.
This piece must've taken real courage as a writer *and* as a daughter. How brave to try to make a wonderful, complex soul whole again, even if it's just for the length of a prayer.
(Fab illustration at the top, too!)
Sean, you are making my heart swell. Thank you saying all of this. It was a wrenching piece to write for sure. Reading comments like yours makes it worth all the grueling hours spent. I'm lucky to have you in my corner!
I felt the anguish and the heartache with you, Cathy. What an extraordinary story. I was riveted from the first word to the last. I saw it all play out. I'm so sorry about your mother. 💔
Thank you for saying this, Marcia! This is the first time I've written about my mother at such length. It was scary and heartbreaking but I'm glad I did it. Readers like you make it all worthwhile. I'm glad I took the chance.
Well, I hope you write many more stories about your mother. She sounds fascinating :) And, you're so welcome 🤍
I cried reading this published version! beauty and magic of its words took me back to so many places...my own childhood, spiritual events, adult promises, hidden secrets and recent writing classes.☺️. Thank you for the beautiful trip into your experience and for sharing your words with the world.
Lina - you saw this piece from its very beginning. Thank you for being a vital part of the writing process. I am so grateful to you!
I love that it must be retired in a community! I'm not Jewish, so I know what it is but not much more. That way everyone is supported by others, how beautiful. In a philosophy class I read a book by an orthodox rabbi, about the Sabbath. One point that stayed with me was you were not allowed to despair on that day, because God is with you always. Beautiful essay, thanks for sharing. I am losing my mother as well, and I grieve the loss as she is still alive.
Recited!